I Am Not Bad. I Am Autistic.

From a child's perspective:

I am not bad, I am autistic.

I know I scream. I do have a good reason. I can not communicate like you do. I will learn how to get the point across in different ways, someday.

I know I hit. I try not too. I feel bad afterward. Sometimes I get what is called 'Sensory Overload' and it makes me feel overwhelmed and afraid. I lash out when this happens because I want the environment around me to calm down. I am learning to handle it and will be able to, someday.

I know I wave my arms around. Sometimes it feels like my arms are on fire or have ants crawling on them. It is called the 'Skin Crawls' and waving my arms is soothing. I am learning to get use to it and will learn to rub my arms like my occupational therapist does, someday.

I know I rock, shake, fidget, poke, and hum. This is called 'Stimming'. It makes me feel calm when I stim and I do this more often when I have anxiety or I am very worried. I am learning to deal with my anxiety and will be able to, someday.

I know I wear the same clothes over and over again. I am not poor or dirty. I like certain types of material and clothes without tags and hard sewn in seams. This is called being 'Sensory Tactile'. I am getting use to different types of clothing slowly and maybe I will try something different, someday.

I know I am not looking directly at you. This is very difficult for me because I take pictures of things in my mind. If I am looking at you, I may not be listening because I am busy taking pictures of your face and memorizing it. Know that I can hear you and understand you. I am not lying if I am not making eye contact. People with autism very rarely lie. I have a hard time communicating and I am busy forming ways to talk, I do not have time to think of lies. I may learn to make eye contact, someday.

I know I talk different or not at all. I have other ways of communicating like using pictures called Pecs, or an Ipad, or sign language. I do know what is being said to me and I am not stupid. Please do not think because I have difficulty getting my thoughts out in the same way you do, like talking, that I do not understand what is being said to me. I do. Sometimes I need time to think about it and that is called 'Processing'. I know that as I grow, I will get faster at processing and we will learn to communicate with each other, someday.

I am not trying to scream, hit, avoid eye contact, stim, be poor or dirty, to annoy you. I am trying to communicate. I am not bad. I am autistic. I hope we can be friends, someday.