Aspie's are brilliant. There's no denying the intelligence of a child with aspergers. When a child with aspergers uses this intelligence to have an attitude, it can be a real challenge for the parent to find solutions. Outsmarting the child is not an option!
Tips to remember:
Since the expressive language is advanced, it's difficult to remember that the receptive language may not be as advanced.
Understanding is sometimes the route of arguments. If you find yourself discussing the same topic repetitively with your child, it may be a lack of understanding and a different approach may be needed. Try visual aids, a video (Youtube pretty much has any topic on the planet), writing it out in a letter or even an email may make your point more accessible to your child. An aspie is very visual at times and adding visual components to the discussion is helpful.
Sensory overload can cause major issues! Being on the computer too much with an addictive game like Roblox or World of Warcraft, to the point of forgetting to eat or sleep, and major meltdowns happen when it's turned off can cause issues. Too much noise or commotion for a sensory avoider or not enough for a sensory seeker. An aspie may not show these issues as a meltdown, it may show up as verbal abuse because of their intelligence. The child has to process the information and it may come out verbally as they do this, simultaneously.
Routines are needed for eating and sleeping. Sometimes it's something as simple as needing something to eat. Giving some sliced apples with peanut butter when you see it coming may curve an attitude as quickly as 1,2,3! That routine provides security and awareness, makes easier transition times, and no surprises. No surprises!
If all of the above is in place, and puberty has set in with all its wonderful attitude, then what?
In my experience, sitting down with your child and having the CHILD make the rules and disciplines makes a world of difference. Ask your child to write out the rules they think are fair or write them down as your child dictates. Do not say anything negative about each rule, even if some seem ridiculous until all the rules are down that they want to say. Make a few suggestions of rules that you think can be added to the list but only include them if the child agrees. Write them on a different list as the 'maybe' list so you can talk about it after.
Now go through each rule and discuss whether or not they are realistic, make modifications as needed. Once the rules are set, go through each one and decide a suitable discipline for each rule. Aspergers is a rule following special need. The children take everything literally. Use this to your advantage and be specific.
An example may look like this:
Rule:
30 minutes of a computer game, child's choice, right after breakfast. If the game is not finished and can not 'save' by the end of the 30 minutes, then it can be left open until the next 30 minute module.
Discipline:
If child is uncooperative, verbally or physically, when the 30 minutes is up then the next 30 minute module will be taken away. That 30 minutes will be used to write an essay about computer addiction.
Obviously make the rules and discipline suitable to the child's age and abilities. Also, make sure each action is based directly on the rule. If a child takes their bike out without asking, take away the bike. The action has to be related to the rule or the child will be confused-it has to make sense for the reasoning component of their high intelligence. Grounding off the computer for taking their bike out without asking is not related. The child will just argue the point because it's not logical.
Rules and discipline have to be logical and related.
The key is making it as specific as possible and making each one the child's idea. Communication is the most important component of any attitude.
Respect:
Showing respect to others is something many aspies have difficulty with, it's not that they don't respect, it's just a difficult application. Explaining what respect is and how to apply it may prove beneficial.
Explaining in detail to your pre-teen that shooting a barrage of verbal abuse at your parental unit is not the best way to handle the situation. Explaining how you feel and why you feel like that way is a good way to handle the situation. Try saying, "I love you, I am not loving what you are doing right now." Explain how that works both ways, the child can love the parent but not agree with what the parent is doing. Then a compromise can be made.
Children with high intelligence do better with communication and compromise rather than extremely strict discipline. When things are too strict at home, they will just reason their way out of it. You can't argue the point with someone that's smarter than the average bear! It ends up turning into a debate and the heart of the issue is never resolved.
To sum up:
Let the child decide the rules and make compromises with adding your rules. Make them clear and concise. Work on the discipline actions together, make them logical and related, and FOLLOW THROUGH, reminding your child it was their choice to make themselves a better person. Communicate, communicate, communicate!
I hope this helps and if you have any suggestions, please share! Every child is very different and sharing ideas is the best way to support each other.
Tips to remember:Since the expressive language is advanced, it's difficult to remember that the receptive language may not be as advanced.
Understanding is sometimes the route of arguments. If you find yourself discussing the same topic repetitively with your child, it may be a lack of understanding and a different approach may be needed. Try visual aids, a video (Youtube pretty much has any topic on the planet), writing it out in a letter or even an email may make your point more accessible to your child. An aspie is very visual at times and adding visual components to the discussion is helpful.
Sensory overload can cause major issues! Being on the computer too much with an addictive game like Roblox or World of Warcraft, to the point of forgetting to eat or sleep, and major meltdowns happen when it's turned off can cause issues. Too much noise or commotion for a sensory avoider or not enough for a sensory seeker. An aspie may not show these issues as a meltdown, it may show up as verbal abuse because of their intelligence. The child has to process the information and it may come out verbally as they do this, simultaneously.
Routines are needed for eating and sleeping. Sometimes it's something as simple as needing something to eat. Giving some sliced apples with peanut butter when you see it coming may curve an attitude as quickly as 1,2,3! That routine provides security and awareness, makes easier transition times, and no surprises. No surprises!
If all of the above is in place, and puberty has set in with all its wonderful attitude, then what?
In my experience, sitting down with your child and having the CHILD make the rules and disciplines makes a world of difference. Ask your child to write out the rules they think are fair or write them down as your child dictates. Do not say anything negative about each rule, even if some seem ridiculous until all the rules are down that they want to say. Make a few suggestions of rules that you think can be added to the list but only include them if the child agrees. Write them on a different list as the 'maybe' list so you can talk about it after.
Now go through each rule and discuss whether or not they are realistic, make modifications as needed. Once the rules are set, go through each one and decide a suitable discipline for each rule. Aspergers is a rule following special need. The children take everything literally. Use this to your advantage and be specific.
An example may look like this:
Rule:
30 minutes of a computer game, child's choice, right after breakfast. If the game is not finished and can not 'save' by the end of the 30 minutes, then it can be left open until the next 30 minute module.
Discipline:
If child is uncooperative, verbally or physically, when the 30 minutes is up then the next 30 minute module will be taken away. That 30 minutes will be used to write an essay about computer addiction.
Obviously make the rules and discipline suitable to the child's age and abilities. Also, make sure each action is based directly on the rule. If a child takes their bike out without asking, take away the bike. The action has to be related to the rule or the child will be confused-it has to make sense for the reasoning component of their high intelligence. Grounding off the computer for taking their bike out without asking is not related. The child will just argue the point because it's not logical.
Rules and discipline have to be logical and related.
The key is making it as specific as possible and making each one the child's idea. Communication is the most important component of any attitude.
Respect:
Showing respect to others is something many aspies have difficulty with, it's not that they don't respect, it's just a difficult application. Explaining what respect is and how to apply it may prove beneficial.
Explaining in detail to your pre-teen that shooting a barrage of verbal abuse at your parental unit is not the best way to handle the situation. Explaining how you feel and why you feel like that way is a good way to handle the situation. Try saying, "I love you, I am not loving what you are doing right now." Explain how that works both ways, the child can love the parent but not agree with what the parent is doing. Then a compromise can be made.
Children with high intelligence do better with communication and compromise rather than extremely strict discipline. When things are too strict at home, they will just reason their way out of it. You can't argue the point with someone that's smarter than the average bear! It ends up turning into a debate and the heart of the issue is never resolved.
To sum up:
Let the child decide the rules and make compromises with adding your rules. Make them clear and concise. Work on the discipline actions together, make them logical and related, and FOLLOW THROUGH, reminding your child it was their choice to make themselves a better person. Communicate, communicate, communicate!
I hope this helps and if you have any suggestions, please share! Every child is very different and sharing ideas is the best way to support each other.
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