Goosebumps

I'm not going to list all their needs and explain it all. I just want to touch on one component of their development that gives me the goosebumps.

Compulsive tendencies.

Wordsmythe gives the following definition.
Verb Definition
1. able to compel; compelling.
2. driven by an obsession or compulsion.
Synonyms
driven (2) , obsessive
Similar Words
fanatical , uncontrollable
Related Words
neurotic
Noun Definition
1. one whose behavior is caused or conditioned by compulsion or obsession.
Similar Words
fanatic , zealot

Without going into too much detail, my children have compulsive characteristics.

The real goosebumps are in the fact that I'm afraid of social situations.
I'm going to share a couple of stories that have happened to real people. These stories I can relate to with my own children also. These people have shared their stories with me for the Leadership conference I was suppose to speak at this September. (I had to cancel due to life but that's another story)

A child is playing graveyard with her friends. It's a game that if you lay still for the longest you win and the first child to move, is out. We'll call her S. She has tourette syndrome and S is always the first one out. She can't help it. S compulsively moves when she's excited and she's excited to be in the game. S gets upset because the children won't change the game and they won't let her stay in longer by ignoring her tics. The parents try to work it out. S's mom explains to the other children it's like the hiccups and the other mom interrupts her to explain to her own child not to worry about it and go play. This is frustrating for the parent with the special needs child because we want the other children to ask why. It's the best way to give answers. S also has anxiety. S is now worried before she goes to the playgroup that they're going to play games that she can't participate in efficiently. S gets to the playgroup and something happens to confirm her fear. S is now hitting someone and crying. Mom takes S aside and tries to comfort her. The other moms are thinking, "Why aren't you disciplining her for hitting?" What they don't know, is that mom is disciplining S. The little girl is not participating and that's all she wants to do. To be accepted. Wouldn't it be great to be accepted for who we really are, even when mistakes are made?

A little boy is playing in the playground. We'll call him J. J is taking turns on the slide. The children are talking all at once. Everyone is having a wonderful time. It's getting louder and louder. J is getting louder and louder. Suddenly, he covers his ears and lets out a piercing scream. Everyone keeps playing with a few glances over to him. Mom takes J home. The next day, same scenario. This time he screams and the other moms start questioning J's mom. She tries explaining his sensitivities. J comes over and asks mom to ask the other children to not be so loud, it's hurting his ears. He doesn't want to go home yet. Mom keeps a close watch. A few minutes later, he's hitting someone. The other moms are furious. J's really sorry and says he couldn't help it. The other moms think that's ridiculous. They storm away. He's left in tears. He is on sensory overload.

I had one mom explain sensory overload to me this way:
Pretend you are sitting in a chair and 10 people come in and shine lights in your eyes, they are poking at you and talking to you at the same time. The entire time you are on a wobbly chair and are being swung from side to side. Could an able bodied person deal with that?
or
You are deathly afraid of spiders, and someone is talking you into climbing into a box about the size of a coffin and allowing them to pour tarantulas all over you, and then shutting the lid. Think something like Fear Factor, where you *think* you will be able to handle it or someone is trying to convince you that you can handle it. As each second goes by, your heart is beating faster, you begin to sweat, and basically start to panic. The person opens the lid but before letting you out asks you do something as mundane as signing a checkbook. Would you be able to concentrate and remember how to write, how to spell out the numbers and remember to sign it, or would that be the final straw that would cause a screaming fit?

These sensitivities or compulsive acts of aggression can take a few minutes or hours to appear. Depending on the child and situation. It's like waiting for a timer on a bomb, but you don't know what the timer says. You can just hear it ticking.

These are scenarios that happen to children with invisible special needs all the time. It scares me. I know that nobody wants their child hurt. I know that nobody wants to worry about little Johnny coming over to play and hiding all the sharp objects.

I know that no one wants to take the time to learn about what a special needs mom deals with everyday.

It's a compulsive behaviour. It can't be stopped, and we are working on retraining their little minds to not hurt others. We don't 'let it happen'. We are not over-disciplining nor are we under-disciplining our children. It has nothing to do with spanking or not spanking. It has nothing to do with star charts or rewards. It has nothing to do with to medicate or not to medicate. That's not what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about forgiveness.

When this generation of parents were young, and there was a fight at the school. We discussed the situation with both parents and the witness and the teachers. People apologized, discussed what could be done to make it better, and people forgave each other.

I'm sorry but I do believe some people deserve a good bop in the nose. Admit it, you know that one person you just wanted to smack. Of course, as adults, we try not to lose control and we end up hitting a wall instead or doing primal scream therapy at the top of our lungs with the windows rolled up in the car, or jog, or journal, or yell at our spouse.(My poor hubby! I love you!) We let it out.

Children learn how to control their behaviours over time. With special needs children, it takes longer. They don't understand the no tolerance law. They don't understand why they can't control these behaviours. They don't understand why they have to compulsively do it and why their peers don't understand that neither.

They just want you to forgive them. They aren't being spoiled. They can't help it. It's compulsive behaviour. I don't understand why parents of the average child, (I'm not using the word normal here for a reason, normal is just a knob on the washing machine) don't take the time explain to their child that even though it doesn't appear to be an accident, it really is an accident. The special needs child is showing remorse then he/she really is sorry. They just want a friend. Someone who will accept them for who they really are. Who will forgive their outbursts. Who will understand. How can they have that if the other child isn't given the opportunity to understand the need.

Take time not to judge. Take time to understand. Take time to explain it your child. Take time for acceptance.

I'm not saying aggressive behaviour is acceptable. I am saying, it takes a special person to understand that sometimes these behaviours are compulsive. It can't be helped.

A special needs child can't learn social skills if they are not allowed in the social setting.

That gives me goosebumps.